It's July 4th, that All American, summertime holiday. Barbecuing, fireworks, outdoor fun! One of my husband's favorite holidays, in fact. I like it, too...this holiday, Celebrated because our country was tired of being told what to do by big bad Mother England.
Folks mostly don't like to be told what to do. Pam Tillis popularized a song called "Don't Tell Me What to Do" My husband and I used to laugh, and say that could be a theme song for our marriage, both of us liked doing things "our way." Made for some lively discussions.
When we are parents, we kind of expect to be in the role of "telling someone what to do." But even our children are bumping against the role of being told what to do, or, controlled. It's normal, how many times have we heard atoddler say "NO! I'll do it myself!" So much conflict in family relationships seems to be centered around someone rebelling against what someone else wants them to do. At the end of the day, people want their freedom. Freedom to make choices, freedom to behave as they want. Good, bad, happy, sad.
Problem is, folks don't always make good choices. We've all experienced it....the friend who is making the choice you just KNOW is going to turn out badly...the toddler who just HAS to touch the hot stove....the 2nd grader who climbs that tree even after you TOLD her the branches weren't strong enough....the teenager who waits till the night before the due date to work on the semester project.....Sometimes we even experience ourselves taking some action or doing some behavior that, well, we kind of know it's going to turn out kind of bad, but hey, we can deal with it, right?
Consequences of actions. In my work as a high school teacher, I see it all the time. Students I care about making some really bad decisions. "What do you think Miss Topper? What should I do?" They don't usually listen until it's damage control time. I teach a class where we go over contraception. Every single semester I have at least one student who goes on to become pregnant. I even say to some of them "were you listening when we went over how babies are made?" Life changing consequences, and not just for the person making the original choice.
As a parent I've had plenty of opportunity to witness my kids exercising their freedom. My kids are in their 20s. I learned a while ago the lesson about free will. I've watched as decisions were made, some good, some bad. Nothing perfect. Advice I so lovingly (or not, in some cases!) gave was ignored. There is nothing like the feeling of being happy for someone who steps out in faith and reaps miraculous personal rewards for it. Witnessing growth is a powerful thing. On the flip side, watching someone make bad decision after bad decision, again, with life changing consequences, is very, very hard. But at the end of the day, just as the British learned about our ancestors all those years ago, people won't be controlled. They WILL have their freedom.
Did I mention I was taking a writing course? I thought I mentioned that....anyhow, we had a writing prompt about what keeps us awake at night. One could take the prompt anyway. I read one person's account of their passionate love for Christ....another's insistence that all God's children have value....one's need to be heard. So many wonderfully written, personal testaments to what calls them or speaks to them. I have a few years on some of these ladies. so it's normal that my passions are going to be different...more worn down...not so sharp around the edges. Life does that, gentles your passions. My "awake at night" moments center around the idea that I am powerless over the choices that another makes. Every person has the freedom to make their choices. Those choices, good, bad, in between, are the opportunity for growth. But it's personal growth, and personal freedom. My personal growth and freedom are not someone else's.Someone else's, even my child's, personal growth and freedom are not mine.
“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.” - Cherie Carter-Scott
Folks mostly don't like to be told what to do. Pam Tillis popularized a song called "Don't Tell Me What to Do" My husband and I used to laugh, and say that could be a theme song for our marriage, both of us liked doing things "our way." Made for some lively discussions.
When we are parents, we kind of expect to be in the role of "telling someone what to do." But even our children are bumping against the role of being told what to do, or, controlled. It's normal, how many times have we heard atoddler say "NO! I'll do it myself!" So much conflict in family relationships seems to be centered around someone rebelling against what someone else wants them to do. At the end of the day, people want their freedom. Freedom to make choices, freedom to behave as they want. Good, bad, happy, sad.
Problem is, folks don't always make good choices. We've all experienced it....the friend who is making the choice you just KNOW is going to turn out badly...the toddler who just HAS to touch the hot stove....the 2nd grader who climbs that tree even after you TOLD her the branches weren't strong enough....the teenager who waits till the night before the due date to work on the semester project.....Sometimes we even experience ourselves taking some action or doing some behavior that, well, we kind of know it's going to turn out kind of bad, but hey, we can deal with it, right?
Consequences of actions. In my work as a high school teacher, I see it all the time. Students I care about making some really bad decisions. "What do you think Miss Topper? What should I do?" They don't usually listen until it's damage control time. I teach a class where we go over contraception. Every single semester I have at least one student who goes on to become pregnant. I even say to some of them "were you listening when we went over how babies are made?" Life changing consequences, and not just for the person making the original choice.
As a parent I've had plenty of opportunity to witness my kids exercising their freedom. My kids are in their 20s. I learned a while ago the lesson about free will. I've watched as decisions were made, some good, some bad. Nothing perfect. Advice I so lovingly (or not, in some cases!) gave was ignored. There is nothing like the feeling of being happy for someone who steps out in faith and reaps miraculous personal rewards for it. Witnessing growth is a powerful thing. On the flip side, watching someone make bad decision after bad decision, again, with life changing consequences, is very, very hard. But at the end of the day, just as the British learned about our ancestors all those years ago, people won't be controlled. They WILL have their freedom.
Did I mention I was taking a writing course? I thought I mentioned that....anyhow, we had a writing prompt about what keeps us awake at night. One could take the prompt anyway. I read one person's account of their passionate love for Christ....another's insistence that all God's children have value....one's need to be heard. So many wonderfully written, personal testaments to what calls them or speaks to them. I have a few years on some of these ladies. so it's normal that my passions are going to be different...more worn down...not so sharp around the edges. Life does that, gentles your passions. My "awake at night" moments center around the idea that I am powerless over the choices that another makes. Every person has the freedom to make their choices. Those choices, good, bad, in between, are the opportunity for growth. But it's personal growth, and personal freedom. My personal growth and freedom are not someone else's.Someone else's, even my child's, personal growth and freedom are not mine.
“Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible.” - Cherie Carter-Scott